In the Band
by Cabin3Demigod
Summary: Am I the only one who's wanted to see Remus, Sirius, and Jameson in a boy band? I think not! One shot.


**I know, i know. Longest one shot eveeeer! But I love the idea of the Marauders in a boy band: N Sync, B5, Mindless Behavior were all inspirations. And Sirius in a ponytail? The only way I can take him!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, except the concept and songs.**

"Moony, you ready?" Sirius quipped.

The seventeen year old in question nodded. He ran a hand through his warm brown hair and closed his eyes as he heard the chants of a mass of young witches. Among them, "Go Marauders!" and "I love you Sirius!"

Remus had made a new best friend within the past 28 hours: the toilet. He'd thrown up cerimonously because of pre-show jitters- their first gig was at a huge stadium in Ukraine. He'd become claustrophobic ever since the record deal had been signed. Needless to say, the foreshadowing sounds of crazy girls screaming didn't soothe his newly-formed phobia much. In fact, it didn't soothe his mind at all.

But he wouldn't tell James and Sirius that. Instead, the blue-eyed teenager smiled solemnly at his best mates and said, "Ready as I can be. And don't call me Moony on stage," he reminded Sirius. "None of the fans know about my...dilemma. It'd be best if you two kept your pet names out of this, too."

Sirius and James nodded, though Sirius did so with an attitude. Remus swore he heard him mutter something about a 'bloody Crumple-Horned Skank', but paid it no attention. Sirius was always PMSing- Pre Marauder-time Syndrome. Remus leaned casually against the stone wall behind him as a bulky man wearing a Director's uniform came into the alleyway and yelled, "Two minutes to showtime!" Moony's posture didn't show his feelings.

Suddenly, James crossed his arms and a asked a good question. A _very_ good question. "Where's Peter?"

Sirius took a break from his Moony-ranking rage and quirked his eyebrows. "Last time I saw him, he was doing what he was supposed to. You know, handing out fliers. You shouldn't worry Prongs-er, I mean, James," he corrected at Remus' scowl.

"Sirius here is right," Remus agreed. He chuckled lightly. "Hey, it's not like he's off betraying you to the Dark Lord or anything..."

The three laughed silently, and when they were done, James and Sirius were both close to tears from the intensity of their chuckled. Being mildly entertaining as he was, Remus' cackles had barely anything on his mates', though his were louder.

James opened his mouth, probably to make another joke about their less-than-wimpy friend. Before he could, the bulky Director man came back and shouted, "One minute! Get to stomping!" He sprinted down the alleyway briskily.

"Hope he doesn't count on us chasing after him like mangled Phoenix tears..." Sirius muttered. He turned to his friends. "So, how do I look?"

Remus took in the other boys' appearances as they simultaneously took in his. The three of them were all wearing matching outfits: baggy white sweatpants, as it was Winter; a white t-shirt under a black, fluffy jacket with white stripes; and a purple accessory of their choice, in tribute to James' deceased mother: Sirius sported a purple wristband, Remus a cap, and James a sweatband on his forehead.

"I don't go that way," Remus murmured dryly. "But if you look nearly as good as I do, then you look fine."

The three began a face-paced walk in the direction their informer had gone. "Good as you do?" Sirius asked breathlessly; somewhere between the time of ten seconds, the three had began race-walking, and Sirius was in last place. "Your hair is all wild and stuff!"

"No '_and stuff_', ponytail boy," Remus retorted. He was rewarded with the softest of chuckles from James. "I like to call it tousled. And it drives the girls crazy." They rounded the corner.

"I wonder how crazy they'll be if they found out you...you..." Sirius gaped at the sight before them.

Over three hundred witches were crammed onto each side of the dome, nearly half of them waving signs that had one or all of the Marauders' names on it. There was a V.I.P section where everyone was sporting a purple shirt with the boys' picture on it. Remus also noted that Peter was very close to that part of the stadium, passing out event fliers. In the middle of it all sat a medium-sized stage, where about two hundred lucky fans were bunched up, waiting to catch one of the Marauders' eyes. Judging by the turnout, their numerous singles and interviews had expanded their fan base...by 100x.

"Are you serious?" Remus breathed, his phobia coming back.

"I...I believe that's me," Sirius replied lamely.

"They can all be my _witches_," James winked. Remus shook his head disapprovingly and lead them onto the stage. There was a walkway from where they stood to the stage, and Sirius nearly tripped while slapping away wandering hands. He would undoubtedly be the star of the group, but Remus didn't mind. He was a werewolf, and anything with any of his fans would certainly be a one-night stand. And those turned out being disastrous, so there were none in his future. He was sure that James didn't mind either, considering that the hormone-rushed teen was 'in love' with Lily.

Standing on the platform, Remus felt smaller than ever. He'd been a minority at school, admittedly without many people knowing why; He had once been at the bottom of the food chain, totem pole, and any object that involved a money-based judger; But now, he felt even tinier. Blimey, it was only a few hormonal teenage girls! He'd been through worse! But denying his nervousness wouldn't work, so Remus didn't tell his mates, but didn't keep it hidden either. If James had woken from his shocked state, he'd see the blush on Remus' cheeks, his dilated pupils. Sirius would too.

Realizing that he had to be the one to un-occupy his friends' minds, Remus cleared his throat. James and Sirius looked at him. Remus knelt down and grabbed their face-mics, then handed them to the boys. "Good luck, Padfoot, Prongs," he whispered, prior to placing the mic on his face. They simultaneously said, "Good luck, Moony," and put their mics on. Remus spared them one last wink, then moved up to the middle of the stage. He cleared his throat into the mic this time. The girls didn't completely calm, but their whispers grew softer.

James took this as cue to unnecessarily shout, "I'm James!" Half the girls covered their ears at the loudness, but their experiences had nothing on Sirius and Remus' pain. They glared at James as their heads vibrated, and he smiled at them apologetically.

"And I'm-Sirius," Sirius grunted much softer, to the pleasure of everyone. The stadium erupted in screams and shrieks that would have signaled the apocalypse had most of the girls not been sitting comfortably instead of running.

"And I'm Remus!" Remus said, in between the other two teens. The girls still screamed, but not as much as they had for Sirius. Oh, but they nearly did.

Sirius smirked smugly at Remus and patted him on the shoulder. He and James turned their bodies sideways to Remus' and made 'M's with their fingers. "Ditto. We're the Marauders!" They yelled. And that received the most cheers yet. The trio grinned and shook hands before taking their places on stage: Remus in front, James on the left, Sirius on the right. Well, at least those had been their places before the latter boys unceremoniously switched spots. It didn't matter, though. They'd be all over the stage in a moment anyway.

James nodded at a man on the side of the stage and signaled to play the music. When the loud, poppy beat sounded, the stadium erupted in cheers-again. Remus grinned and posed as the track said their names. "_Remus_". He pointed nonchalantly at the girls in front of him and took on a pouty-lipped expression. The witches nearly fainted.

"_James_." Remus couldn't see him, since he kept his posture, but knew what James was doing from various practices in the past. He was opening the left side of his jacket- er, right side this time, due to the position change- and flipping his tousled hair to the side.

"_Sirius_." Remus heard the moans from the crowd and nearly rolled his eyes. Sirius was evidently doing his 'smoulder' pose. His jacket was halfway down his arms and he was blowing kisses to the crowd.

"_Marauders_." They broke back into performer mode and Remus moved to the edge of the stage. He batted away and touched hands as he sang:

"_You get on with life as a fan,_

_You're a tiny kinda person._

_You like snogging and listening to the Marauders..._"

James leaped onto the other edge of the platform and said, "_That's us_.", in a sing song voice.

Remus shot him a glare as he continued:

_"You like to contemplate books._  
><em>But when you start to daydream,<em>  
><em>Your mind turns straight to chocolate."<em>

The other boys sang, "_Shala la la la la la_!" as Remus swiftly moved backward and took Sirius'- er, James'- space.

Being as he was already at the edge of the stage, blowing kisses to the fans, James didn't have much trouble with the alternation as he usually did during rehearsal.

_"Sometimes I look at you and I look into your eyes,  
>I notice the way you think about chocolate with a smile,<br>Curved lips you just can't disguise.  
>But you think it's books making your life worthwhile.<br>Why is it so hard for you to decide which you love more?  
>Books or...<br>Chocolate?"_

Remus chuckled into his mic as James recited the words. Sirius had made up most of the song himself, but he'd been joking when he'd created it. Their producer loved it though, so naturally, it had become their first hit song.

The three of them sang into the chorus while dancing:

"_You like to use words like 'Blimey' and 'Bloody Hell.'_

_You like to use words about books._

_But when you stop your talking,_

_Your mind turns straight to chocolate._

_Shala la la la la la_!"

The fan reception was crazy when Sirius stepped up and James took his spot next to the chocolate lover himself: RJ Lupin. He rolled his eyes as Sirius jumped into the crowd, only to be grabbed by a bunch of girls. Remus and James even saw a few witches- and _wizards_- in the stands start to leap down the steps, ready to hop onto Sirius and cling to him for eternity. The two danced on.

Meanwhile, Sirius sang:

_"Sometimes I look at you and I look into your eyes,  
>I notice the way you think about chocolate with a smile,<br>Curved lips you just can't disguise.  
>But you think it's books making your life worthwhile.<br>Why is it so hard for you to decide which you love more?  
>Books or...<br>Chocolate?"_

He scrambled back onstage just in time to avoid the swoon of people that had come to snatch him up. They sang in unison, once more:

"_You like to hang out with Sirius and Remus._  
><em>But when left alone,<em>  
><em>Your mind turns straight to chocolate.<em>

_Shala la la la la la_!"

Remus and James took their places beside Sirius, both placing their hands on his shoulder, the other hand pointed to the crowd, as they finished.

_"Sometimes I look at you and I look into your eyes,  
>I notice the way you think about chocolate with a smile,<br>Curved lips you just can't disguise.  
>But you think it's books making your life worthwhile.<br>Why is it so hard for you to decide which you love more?  
>Books or...<br>Chocolate?_

_You hate sweaters and jackets._  
><em>But you just think back to chocolate,<em>  
><em>And you're happy once again.<em>

_Shala la la la la la_!"

They ended the song with a bow and their fans lashed out, screaming names. Remus was surprised to hear his a couple hundred times. Huge wizards had to come on stage and use spells to make fans attempting to crawl onstage fall back.

The boys grinned at each other and filled the next two hours with an assortment of songs including: 64 Thousand Dollar Werewolf, Lovers in a Nutshell, Lily In The Night, Lovely Lily, Whats Funny About Love, I Kissed a Fan, and Witch From Hell (inspired by Mrs. Black during her 'time of the month'.)

Finally, they ended the concert with **The Tale of My Colorful Fan Girl **(a song inspired by Sirius' four year old cousin), standing in the same position the entire time:

Remus flat in the middle; James kneeling, occasionally reaching out to meet hands with a fan; and Sirius, his hands outstretched as he stood next to Remus. They belted out the song together, Remus' voice being the loudest and sincerest.

"_It began on a sad Winter Evening:_  
><em>I was the most adorable student around,<em>  
><em>She was the most colorful fan. <em>

_She was my girl, _  
><em>My colorful girl,<em>  
><em>My fan.<em>

_We used to play so well together,_  
><em>Back then.<em>  
><em>We wanted to adventure together, around the world,<em>  
><em>We wanted it all.<em>

_But one Evening, one sad Evening,_  
><em>We decided to explore too much.<em>  
><em>Together we played gobstones with a Thestral.<em>  
><em>It was love, so love.<em>

_From that moment our relationship changed._  
><em>She grew so much regret.<em>

_And then it happened:_

_Oh no! Oh no!_

_She smacked a Muggle._  
><em>Alas, a Muggle!<em>  
><em>My girl smacked a Muggle.<em>  
><em>It was joyous, so joyous.<em>

_The next day I thought my lips had broken,_  
><em>I thought my legs had burst into flames,<em>  
><em>(But I was actually overreacting a little.)<em>

_But still, she is in my thoughts._  
><em>I think about how it all changed that Evening,<em>  
><em>That sad Winter Evening.<em>

_My legs... ouch!_  
><em>When I think of that colorful fan,<em>  
><em>That colorful fan and me."<em>

They all bowed and bade their fans a farewell before romping off the stage and back into the alley-room, smartly avoiding being trampled to death. James and Remus bent their heads and sat on the couch, breathing heavily as Sirius_ Summoned_ them some glasses of water. The trio finished the first, then another, and another, until their water-filled bodies couldn't take anymore. Waiting for his speech to kick back in, Remus studied his friends.

Sirius' t-shirt was ripped in the middle, and his jacket was lost in the crowd completely. Somewhere between the two hours, strands of his ponytail had come loose and were plastered to his forehead. Remus probably didn't look much better, with his t-shirt _missing _and his hair soaked and stinky.

James looked much better than both of them. His jacket was around his waist, and there was only a small tear in the midsection of his shirt. James' sweatpants were all dirty from the kneeling he'd said was his "trademark". There was a marking on his glasses that resembled a heart; it had been drawn in makeup.

Sirius spoke up first. "That was...bonkers."

James nodded in agreement and Remus managed a sound in the back of his throat.

Seconds of silence went by-one after one after-.

"I wanna do it again," James said after what seemed like hours.

Sirius smirked and said, "Does darling Lily know this? Would she like to be informed that her boytoy enjoys being fussed over by hormonal teenagers similar to herself?"

Remus chuckled and received a glare from James as James grimaced. "We're not dating...yet."

"Yeah, use that as your excuse when Celestina Warbeck comes knocking at this door," Remus joked. James and Sirius cackled delightedly.

"I don't like her anymore," James protested.

Sirius tackled him from behind. "Yes you do!"

James muttered something into his pillow and Remus jumped on top of him, too. "Prongs likes an old lady, Prongs likes a wrinkly lady..." he and Sirius chanted. It had become custom whenever the witch was mentioned in a conversation between the three- uh, four- of them.

Sirius met Remus' eyes and winked. They both pulled James over in order to sit on his chest, their knees digging into his stomach. James cursed them profusely, knowing that he was too weak and out-numbered to be able to get up. Besides, he knew that the less someone was annoyed by his friends' antics, the faster they'd quit engaging in the irritating act.

The boys let him up after a few struggle deprived minutes and James winked at them. Just from the wink, Remus knew they were all thinking the same thing.

"I love being a Marauder," he murmured, simultaneously with his mates. The three grinned wickedly at each other before engaging in a night of playfights.

Somewhere in the stadium, flier-boy Peter was jealous.


End file.
